It is admirable that You want to take into consideration The opinions of others. Just be careful Not to confuse them as your own.
It is beautiful that You want to take other people’s Pain away. Just remember To not carry it with you afterwards.
You encompass worlds. All your cells That have their own rules And wars. You don’t believe me yet That you are a miracle? How about The fact that… The stardust in planets Is the same as You? Oh, you knew that and still don’t see; How about your lover’s smile When they set eyes on you? Or the hope in the homeless’ mind When you just give them your time, free of judgment? Don’t remember them? Maybe it’s time for a refresher.
Go help someone when you’re down, With the expectations lowered. I found this to be one way of getting out of the darkness.
I do not want to be dramatic, But I have a past that is traumatic. Father tried to kill me, he was pragmatic, Really. You see, he genuinely thought I was the devil, So he only tried to get rid of the forces of evil. He had hate in his eyes, But fear too, as he cries While keeping the knife at my throat, This is not an anecdote. Hop along for the ride, I had no say in it, so abide.
He was enigmatic to me for years, Until I cried all my tears. I found empathy and forgiveness, It is not my unfinished business. I found peace and happiness, See through the sappiness.
In order to actually heal, I had to find the appeal Into letting go. All I do is reveal How soul wrenching can be, Even decades after, here is my plea:
Let’s talk more about it, I don’t want to throw a fit. Silence only helps the transgressor. Talk to the kids, tell them it’s not a pleasure They should ever satisfy; No matter who that is, he’s a bad guy. Look for the signs, Read between the lines. This is more real than you think, Molestation can happen in a blink.
What is home to a traveller? For me, it’s a sanctuary. A sanctuary for healing, For unconditional love and acceptance, For joy and quality time together, For music and creation. It is the place where I can be naked With myself, Free of judgment. It is the spot where I can turn The awareness on its head And look for who’s looking. It is the house which forces me To look myself in the mirror When I need it, But also where the cat sits on the table. It is the kitchen where we cook All the world’s foods. It is the bathroom where I wash The depression away. It is the balcony where we have our Morning coffee. It is the living room where I find a healthy yoga routine. The bedroom that will never speak Our names out loud …
It was in the midst of the pandemic That my meditation paid off and I reached Nirvana. One of the decisions made based on the level I reached Was to volunteer my energy at a homeless shelter. All I had to do was help them with their shower And just talk to them. I remember the last night there as it was yesterday - We were all out, at night, a little past their curfew and my schedule. The moon was watching over us, Being the family member that none of us ever had. She sent us whispers of protection on a wave of summer air While witnessing our unconditional love for each other. People from all over the world, moved to Lisbon in the hopes of a better future. All in a circle, talking about music (that was our common language), About home, About life. Cultures that I’ve never heard of Are all alive in me when I hear their melodic notes.
They taught me that relationships are healthy And have not one inch of jealousy in them. They showed me love and even gave me gifts, Gifts that they will never be aware of.
I know it in my soul That this is my path. I connected with them like no one else, And they embraced me and kept me safe.
I want to tell the story of one of my guys That saved me during a dark night of the soul. I was near the train tracks and the bridge, And all over the place were messages written. “Don’t do it”, “Jesus loves you”, “Jesus understands you”, “Jesus is always with you”, “You are not alone”, “You are loved”. They saved me during one of the darkest days of my life. And then I met Jesus. He is one of the guys That lives happily off the grid, With no interest in politics, governments or races. He saw me running a few days in a row and stopped me kindly, asking if I run for my heart or for my mind. I grasped the wisdom in his question And I stopped and talked to him for a few beautiful moments. I never thanked him for saving my life, But his eyes told me he knew.
I will try my best to be the light that you were for me.
What is age when a century passes between moments? How can one live inside the guidelines of an ordinance? I have a longing for my spirit’s true endowments …
All I want is a reconciliation Between my heart and my brain - is this too much to question? Maybe it is just an indiscretion, But I follow my true obsession - We will pack up and move again, it’s all a progression!
We will be moving to Italy, Where we’ll be living liberally, With dignity. No more hiding that we are a couple deliberately! We loved Albania for a year, but we lived invisibly.
Forgive yourself for all the times you acted out of fear, For all the times you held on for dear life. Forgive yourself so you can heal, Forgive yourself so you can peel All the layers away And be completely naked and proud. Of all your scars, of all your battles; Can’t you see, dear, that they make you even more you? They’re part of who you were and who you’ve been, And all the ways you’ve overcome and beat them. It’s part of the glorious you, Of the beautiful you, Of the kind you.
You are such a marvellous being, The sun is pale in comparison. My beauty, see yourself Without those hate-filled goggles That are aimed at yourself. You are a queen, a warrior, a goddess. A human being with a god’s soul. A warm rain after a stifling day.
A safe place. A beautiful life. A warm smile. The look in your eyes. The light on your face when you laugh. YOU.
I grew up in a small town, in a small country, It always felt suffocating and backwards. Different was bad - personality, race, sexual orientation, feelings - Everything had to be in a certain way, living carefully to not break the mould.
At nineteen I shyly moved out of the city, into the capital, on my own. And since that first step, I always looked forward towards my next one. I was still where I didn’t belong, but one step closer to my goal.
Four years later, changed countries. With only a degree in my name, I dreamed of making it in London! First year went by with no job prospects, But a good batch of friends, finally. For the first time in my life, Society didn’t give a single fuck about Who I was, Who I was attracted to, How I was a tad different. This, I call, my heart’s home.
Five years later I packed up and moved again, This time for the sunny, hilly Portugal, With their colour not only on their buildings, But in people’s smiles too. I visited it once, by happenstance, And fell in love with its streets and people. Stayed for two beautiful years there, Years where I’ve met more happiness that I could ever imagine. I saw the city through local hearts and stomachs, This is where I’ve encountered Nirvana; This is my soul’s home.
For three months I’ve lived in crazy Florida, Where I fell in love with human character. Also, is where I met my soulmate face to face, So this will always be the happiest I’ve been on this planet.
For the past year I’ve been in the curious Albanian cities, Where I’ve learned what kind of love I actually deserve. I even think the best one Is the love that teaches you How to love yourself. This is my carefully built shelter, Where I’ll emerge like a butterfly, Ready to fly away and be part of this beautiful world again.
I cannot wait to see what this Earth has to offer me next, I am so in love with it.
Writings by Starmud 